This election season gave us no shortage of twists, turns, speculations, surprises, drama, and, indigestion. Going into judgment day, it was hard to believe anyone could be excited for either outcome, but alas, the votes have been tallied, numbers crunched, and the final results have been declared. Our new president come 2017, the Donald. Which leaves us with only one question, where will find our haven from this calamity, Canada or Mexico? Will our hockey playing buddies to the north be our next neighbors? Or will we wake up from this hangover greeted with warm homemade tortillas and menudo? We’re here to break it down.
| Canada | Mexico | |
| Pros | Who wouldn’t want to polish off a two-four with your best friend, buddy, or guy! And you can to tune-in to Terrance and Phillip on your local broadcasting | Waking up to tropical beaches and spicy senoritas is enough to brighten anyone’s day |
| Cons | Might be stuck listening to the likes of Barbra Streisand, Ne-Yo and Miley Cyrus who said they’d be knocking on Canada’s door after a Trump win | As George Lopez so keenly pointed out, soon Mexico may have an immigration problem, which could cause a tax increase in order to pay for a wall to keep out all the freeloading Americans |
| Food | Poutine, crepes, and bacon on everything is always a strong selling point…we hear that’s why Lena Dunham is headed back | No one cooks up better comfort food than a Mexican mom serving up some fresh beans and breakfast molletes |
OUTLOOK: Early polling is showing that Canada has the early lead, but we all know the fickle nature of the polls. And a Bieber homecoming could quickly shift the advantage to Mexico. Emigration heat map coming soon!
PREDICTION FOR USA: Well, looks like That’s so Raven 2 is going to have to be put on hold, and much to Cartman’s chagrin, the states may be losing the loveable Amy Schumer. On the bright side, there won’t be too many crappy reality TV shows springing up, because reality TV has now become the news.
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