We check back in with our Pokemon trainers!
Nick Cage, our tenacious treasure, and Sheldon Cooper, everyone’s favorite astrophysicist, have been tirelessly hunting down, capturing, training, and leveling up Pokemon since the dawn of the latest craze to diminish in popularity, Pokemon Go! So how have our heroes fared in the past few months? Has Cage found a hidden PokeStop in his latest adventure? Has Sheldon maintained his status as the king of Pasadena? We’re here to find out!
| Nicolas Cage | Sheldon Cooper | |
| Strategy | Cage’s recent cell phone upgrade has served him well these past few months with now being able to get cell reception in those remote areas and capture those ever elusive Pikachus in those hidden PokeStops inside Mt. Rushmore. | Sheldon’s homebody nature forced him to lure the Pokemon close. He took advantage of every gym and stop in walking distance and is a force to be reckon with in his home turf of south Pasadena |
| Maps | The great decipherer has been able to crack the code of the ever confusing tracking system | The inner hacker came out in Cooper and figured out a way to allow his character to move around without leaving his beloved apartment |
| Gyms | Nick has claimed all the softball gyms for team Instinct, with vew people venturing close enough to challenge. We suspect he accounts for close to 80% of all Instinct’s gyms | TheCoopTroop has claimed all the local gyms for team Mystic with his maxed out dragonite |
| Best Pokemon | Cage has a collection of fossil Pokemon that is unparalleled, even to Professor Proctor | Sheldon’s persistent nature made sure that he optimized all his best pokemon, but has an affinity for his Alakazam’s intelligence. |
FUTURE: Don’t’ know if these two great trainers will ever cross paths, but no doubt they each have accumulated impressive Pokemon resumes. I guess we’ll have to wait and see what the future holds for these legendary Pokemon trainers.
Leave us a comment and let us know what you think!
Our presidential nominee’s debate the tough questions: Clueless v Mean Girls
With the presidential race heating up it looks like we have a dead heat going into debate season, and each of the candidates have been doing all they can to sway the voters. We’ve all heard their views on the petty stuff like taxes and immigration, but how will they fair when the polarizing questions are asked: Clueless or Mean Girls? Trump has solidified his Clueless position against Hillary’s Mean Girls. We’re looking forward to this vivacious discussion between the two with the fate of the Oval Office lying in the balance. Here’s our debate breakdown
| Clueless Donald Trump | Mean Girl Hillary Clinton | |
| Strategy | It’s a brilliant movie, just brilliant, I’ve been to where it was filmed, I met the actors, I own property right next door to Mel, he’s a good friend of mine, he does my taxes, it’s brilliant, I can guarantee you that, brilliant, that I can guarantee you | The thing I love most about Mean Girls, is it shows how the little guy can make it in this country with hard work! It’s the story of the American dream! And bi-golly this country needs to help the little guy. Clueless Trump just can’t seem to figure that out! |
| Social Impact | I can tell you this, without Clueless, there is no Mean Girls, that I can tell you | The great thing about Mean Girls, is that it sets a good example for young girls. We need to instill more of that resiliency in our kids today. I have a young granddaughter, and I watch this movie with her and point at the television and tell her, “One day, that’s gonna be you…” |
| Favorite Character | Paul Rudd, a very very very dear friend of mine can tell you, 1996 I told him, Clueless is the greatest movie ever, check the facts, I’ve been saying it | Well, my favorite character would have to me Mrs. George, because, as Chelsea would tell you, I am a cool mom! |
CONCLUSION: This movie really hits home for Trump and we believe is very relatable to his younger days. We’re told it is one of his most watched movies, but won’t be sure til the audit is finished and he releases his movie reports. We like the resemblance between Ivanka Trump and Alicia Silverstone as well and definitely believe it plays to Trump’s favor. And also Clueless has the Bosstones. There is very little doubt in the voters’ minds that Hillary epitomizes the Mean Girls spirit. We believe she based most of her political career on strategies developed and perfected by the plastics. After looking at her tax plan we think the math ability may be lacking, but she does know one thing for sure, the debt limit does not exist!
Leave a comment and give us your expert opinion!
Nothing more American than Kaep and Abdul-Rauf baking some apple pie
Colin Kaepernick has managed to enrapture the attention of the American people with his national anthem antics, but a mere 17 years ago, Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf, formerly known as Chris Jackson, started the trend. These athletes are great at sparking controversy, but how will their skills handle something slightly more homegrown? We’re taking our Chevy to the levy for a good ol’ apple pie bake-off! No doubt a tasty battle with Kaep’s savory filling against Ab-Ra’s veteran seasoning. We’re here to break it down.
| Colin Kaepernick | Mahmoud Abdul | |
| Style | With his unconventional style and bay area influence look for possibly a mug pie coming from the Kaep camp | We expect the classic crossover stitch dough as the top of this pie |
| Apples | Golden state delicious apples from the bay area backup | Expect the great free throw shooter would use Granny shot Smith apples |
| Toppings | Famous for his flour crumble topping, also known as “fumble” | Could throw in a screwball and garnish with some extra sharp cheddar or maybe some pepper jack |
JUDGES: The foremost apple pie experts from all corners of this great country:
- Oprah – No doubt she has indulged in her fair share, and might have surprise pies for the whole crowd
- Johnny Bravo – He likes pie
- Clint Eastwood – Go ahead, make his day, and make him some pie while you’re at it
- Betty White – The most experienced apple pie maker on the panel
CONCLUSION: The judges have their work cut out for them as picking a winner is no envious task when it comes to judging these delectable desserts. A definite key for the San Fran QB is going to be the ice cream pocket presence of the French Vanila, because no one likes a running pie. On the other hand, Mahmoud needs a strong two man game with the brown sugar and cinnamon combo, maybe learning a bit from Mutombo. One thing is for certain, it is going to be a very scrumptious showdown between these two in this classic American pie classic.
Leave a comment and give us your expert opinion!
Deadpool v Spiderman in a Marvel comics street brawl
Over the weekend, we were informed that Hollywood Blvd street performers dressed up as Deadpool and Spiderman got into a physical scuffle over the prime starwalk territory. With a bargain of only $10 to take a picture with one of these Marvel legends, why can’t everyone just get along? We thought there was no better time to breakdown this epic battle. Will Deadpool’s new-found popularity play to his advantage? Or will Spiderman’s Avengers appearance be too much to overcome? We’re here to break it down.
| Spiderman | Deadpool | |
| Strengths | Stronger and has the spidey senses and is all around quicker. A tough target, even for a great marksman | Definitely a wildcard here, not afraid of anything, and the regenerative powers make him a tough one to tapout |
| Weakness | Mary Jane? Would Deadpool stoop so low?? | His small budget might leave him gunless, which could be to his detriment |
| X-Factor | Has the greater natural ability, but might not have the cutthroat killing in him. | Could piss Spidey off by beating him at his own game, the smack talk |
WHAT TO WATCH FOR: No doubt will be some very playful banter between these two, as they are both very well known for their ability to talk a big game.
HOTTER GIRLFRIEND: Our consensus, long hair, we like Deadpool’s Vanessa Carlysle, however not sure we can get on board with the butch. So with short hair, advantage might swing to Mary Jane. For the record, Civil War’s Aunt May is definitely up there too as Iron Man pointed out, but unfortunately DQed for a slight technicality.
CONCLUSION: As Hollywood Boulevard turf wars heat up, the Spiderman v Deadpool showdown is no doubt one to watch. With this classic Marvel face off, we’d expect Spiderman to keep things classy while Deadpool has no caveats going below the belt as the words mince. A bystander or two may accumulate with the possibility of a DC hero or maybe even a Disney princess stepping in to calm the brawl. One thing is for sure though, it will be a spectacle.
Comment below and let us know what you think!
A Gene Wilder special with Willy v The Waco going head to head
As we hear of the passing of one of the great Hollywood comedic actors, we decided to come out with a Gene Wilder special edition. Little known fact about Gene, he was a big fencer back in his younger days, and his chops include being first freshman to win the All-School Fencing Championship. So we decided no better topic than comparing two of his most iconic roles, Willy Wonka and Jim, better known as “The Waco Kid” as they go head to head in the event that Gene loved, fencing. Will Willy’s mild mannered demeanor and bag of tricks be able to hold off the quick and possibly steady hands of The Kid? We’re here to break it down.
| Willy Wonka | The Waco Kid | |
| Strengths | The deceptive nature of Mr. Wonka could be a big advantage | An easy one, the fastest hand in the west, let’s just hope he hasn’t fallen off the wagon |
| Strategy | We think Willy is going to be all about trickery, so watchout during his entrance to possibly use his foil as a cane to throw off his opponent into thinking he’s crippled | We think he’s confident in his ability and is most likely going to play a good clean match, but if things aren’t looking good he always has the fake piste decoy to buy him a little time |
| Training/
Preparation |
It’s going to be hard for Mr. Wonka to find a full sized opponent to practice against, but if he can parry and riposte and Oompa Loompa, he should have no problem with a life sized opponent Hopefully all the sweet tarts and fun dip doesn’t slow his wicked sabre down |
We think once word gets around that the fastest hand in the west has taken up fencing, there will be no shortage of challengers coming to try their luck against the Kid, we just hope no 6 year olds poke him in the ass when he’s not looking Maybe a few French Mistake run throughs to loosen up the old hips, and possibly a little coaching from Hedy Lamarr |
WHAT TO WATCH FOR: Watch out for the quick feet of Wonka to try and keep the Kid off balance. If Wonka can keep him pinned back, this could get interesting.
CONCLUSION: With the citizens of Rock Ridge in full support of their deputy and the Oompa Loompas cheering on their boss, things could get interesting in the peanut oompa gallery. No telling what this crowd could get themselves into with chants ranging from OompaLoomp to authentic frontier gibberish. We believe that the fast hands and mono e mono experience of The Waco Kid definitely plays to his advantage and some trickery may have to be used by Wonka to keep it close. There will be only one way to find out forsure. En Garde!
Leave a comment and let us know what you think will happen!
A Look into the Belle Reve Prison Fantasy Football League
As we find ourselves again at the dawn of yet another football season, the time has come for the fantasy enthusiasts to once again draft their always hopefully, yet consistently underperforming, fantasy football team. This season we’ve decided to take a look into the fantasy league of DC’s finest villains as they look to climb the ranks into fantasy immortality. We got the rare opportunity to take a peek at their draft board. Here’s the breakdown
SCORING: Points are awarded for:
- Suspended games (2 pts per game)
- Assault charges (1 pts per charge plus .5 pts for every person assaulted)
- Drug related incidents (1 pts per incident plus.5 pts for every different drug associated)
- DUIs (1 pt per arrest plus .25 pts for any other citations)
- Anything involving guns (1pt per gun plus .25 pts per bullet fired)
- Jail time (1 pt per day of service during season)
- NFL fines (1 pt for every 5k of fines)
ROSTER: Each teams active roster consists of:
- 1 QB
- 1 RB/WR/TE
- 1 Defensive player
- 1 Utility
- 1 Coach
BREAKDOWN:
- Tom Brady’s Soft Balls: We like the team the league commissioner put together. A great 3rd round pick in Marcell Dareus. Draft Grade – B
- Adrian BeterSon: Alot of domestic violence and assault potential on this team, but might be loaded too heavy towards the household arrests. Draft Grade – C+
- BatManziel Begins: Very balanced put together by Harley, almost too balanced. Most likely auto-drafted. Draft Grade – B+
- Beats by Ray: Couple wild cards could possibly lead El Diablo to the ship, but needs a big year from the Cowboy backup. Draft Grade – C
- Tebowned: Boomerang drafted as we would expect and hopes for quite a few comebacks to turn his team around. Draft Grade – D+
- Don’t VonTaze Me Bro: We like how the Croc drafted big. Pound for pound the most promising for some assaults and maybe even a few suspensions. Draft Grade – A-
- All I Do is Winston, Winston, Winston! – We like the balance of talent Slipknot has assembled with his squad. Could climb to the top barring any tragic fatality. Draft Grade – B
- inVickus: Has great potential. Believed to be another auto-drafted team. Katana is definitely gambling with Kathryn Smith. Draft Grade – C+
- Kaep N Your Ass: No better team chemistry and attitude than the Joker assembled team. There are no locker room quarlers under Bill Belichick. Draft Grade – B+
PREDICTION: Who knows what will happen? That’s why they play the games! Leave a comment and let us know what you think!
Bob Costas v Al Michaels in the ultimate test of Olympic athleticism!
With summer olympic season winding to an end, it is time for us to reflect on a great matchup that we can only hope to see in Tokyo, Bob Costas v Al Michaels competing in the Olympic decathalon. Both of these men have ingrained their sultry voices into our DNA and will forever be associated with the Olympics, but how will they do when it is their turn to take the stage. Will the savvy play by play man have what it takes to hold off the young up and comer? Our experts break it down.
| Al Michaels | Bob Costas | |
| Strengths | As the better play by play man of the two, we hope he keeps things interesting during these events and maybe announces while performing | As the Olympic host since 2002, we expect him to likely be the crowd favorite. This could lead to some high energy output from Bob barring no more pink eye flare ups |
| Best Event | We expect a solid performance in the shot put from big Al, having that classic shot putters build | Look for Costas to have a big advantage in the 1500 with his small frame helping him in this event |
| Worst Event | We don’t think the running/jumping combo of the 110 hurdles plays to Michaels’ strengths….this one might not be pretty | Being a man of his stature, Costas might have a tough time performing a fluid fosbury flop at a competitive height. |
DAY 1: The 100 m opening event is definitely going to set the tone for the rest of the decathalon. If Michaels can lumber through this dash and keep things competitive, it will no doubt keep Costas on his toes for the rest of the running events. We expect a wash with the next 2 events with long jump likely going to Costas and shot put going to Michaels. Keep a close watch for the high jump and 400 m to decide the winner. If one of these great voices can sweep those events is might seal the deal day 1.
DAY 2: Out of the blocks day 2 we don’t expect to see any shifting in the standings with a split of the 110 hurdles to Bob and discus to Al. Our experts predict the matchup to come down to the pole vault. Hard to say who is going to emerge victorious in this event, but whoever can muster up the courage to perform the winning vault could possibly grab the gold at the top. After the vault we predict no more upsets with the javelin to Michaels and 1500 to Costas, but there may be a miracle or two on the horizon.
Leave a comment and let us know what you think!
Phelps v Bolt and what the people really want!
There is no question that both Phelps and Bolt have given olympic spectators some amazing moments from Sydney to Rio, but they have neglected to give us what the fans really want to see, a mano e mano badminton faceoff to the last drop of the birdie! Will Bolt’s speed be too much for the fish out water? Or will the versatility and length of Phelps show Usain what it really means to be an Olympic athlete? We’re here to break it down.
| Michael Phelps | Usain Bolt | |
| Strengths | We’re predicting that Phelps will have the harder smashes with more upper body and shoulder strength | Bolt will have the land advantage no doubt, and probably a little quicker chasing down those forecourt slices |
| Weaknesses | After seeing how he acts at basketball games, phelps might be easily distracted by sideline hijinks and tomfoolery | Not sure if badminton has made its way to the Caribbean yet, Usain might not take well to this strange sport |
| Unknowns??? | Phelps has proved his worth in the aquatics, but this is his first land based event and how he takes to the new terrain is still in question | Bolt’s lateral movement is still a big unknown, shouldn’t have a problem moving the y axis, but the x axis is a big ???? |
WARM UP: A hearty plate of pasta and a quick 100m butterfly is always a good warmup for the seasoned Olympian. We believe Usain might go for some pre game fish or chicken and a couple quick jogs up and down the court.
WHAT TO WATCH FOR: We look for there to be some creative cheering going on with some rum based beverages being served on the Jamaican side and….well….we won’t speculate what is going on over at the Phelps section.
PREDICTION: We expect a pretty evenly matched game, with both participants coming in at well over 6’ tall there won’t be many shuttlecocks falling with those two wingspans out there. We give the hand eye advantage to Phelps, but the ability to track down the birdies to Bolt. Our prediction: Bolt will take game 1 coming out strong. But with Phelps being the finisher he is, and Usain not used to a close finish, if it goes to 3 we think the advantage shifts to Phelps. Let us know what you think will happen and comment below!
Who will become the next ultimate Pokemon trainer?
With the recent arrival of the biggest craze of the summer, Pokemon Go, we’ve decided to breakdown the sure to be rivalry between the treasure hunting actor, Nicholas Cage, and the smartest guy on television, Sheldon Cooper. Will Cage find some legendaries in the next hidden fortune he finds, or will the sure to be Pokemon master, Sheldon, be too much for him to handle? We’re here to break it down.
| Nicholas Cage | Sheldon Cooper | |
| Strengths | Ability to decipher maps, crack clues, track down Pokemon, and explore the unknown | Extreme knowledge of game, as well as intricate understanding of the coding will allow him to optimize his luck egg experience boosting |
| Strategy | Cage under the alias of Ben Gates will surely come across some secret Poke stops as well as some hidden gyms as he ventures where few dare to go | The great scientist will most likely stay within his comfort zone but will look to setup a double lure module/incense combo |
| Gyms | Nicholas Cage pretending to be a treasure hunter will almost certainly try and artificially boost his gym count by looking for off the beaten path gyms | Sheldon will own every gym within walking distance of the science lab and apartment complex |
| Favorite Pokemon | Any Pokemon with his face on it
#pokemonxniccage.com But has a soft spot in his heart for the fossil Pokemon |
Porygon, he connects with the scientifically created Pokemon, but has to love the string theory-esque nature of the Tangela |
WHAT TO WATCH FOR: How will Cage’s adventurous spirit matchup against Cooper’s analytical approach? We’ll check back and see how our duo of Pokemon trainers has held up after the dust clears. Leave a comment and let us know you think!
The Most Interesting Man in the World vs Chuck Norris in a Battle of the Better Scrapbook!
With the pending retirement of everyone’s favorite Mexican beer frontman, the proclaimed “Most Interesting Man in the World”, and with Chuck Norris’s acting career a few decades in the rear view mirror (or at least it should be), we decided there is no better time to take a look back at the scrapbooks that these two legends have created. Here’s what we expect to see
WHAT TO WATCH FOR: With both of these men having such a legendary aura surrounding them, be careful not to flip over some incredible moments in history, such as deep sea excursions, war ending heroics, and possibly even some space exploration. No telling what could be in there.
CONCLUSION: We’ve seen such good documentation of the antics and accomplishments of the Most Interesting Man, so our staff expects a very neat, organized, and well put together scrap from the Mexican beer’s posterboy, although that may very well be the work of a crafty Dos Equis intern. With the unparalleled military and movie career or Mr. Chuck, no telling what movie editing magic has crept over to his photos of past glory. The only way to know for sure is to take a look into the sure to be astonishing collection of memories both of these extraordinary gentleman have compiled!
What do you think will be in there? Leave a comment and let us know!
Experts Debate 